I do not know of any man who would refuse you-know-what. You would never hear from them, "Honey, I am too tired." We are always ready and rearing (deliberate mis-spelling) to go. Now that is not the case with women. Well, at least some women. There are those women from whom you will hear the "Honey, I am too tired.", and there are those women who would jump your bones in a heartbeat. Now, the latter is every man's fantasy - to be in a relationship with such a woman, but the reality is that that would not work. Why is that? Men do not have multiples. When we have our single, we have to wait hours before we can have another one. So that fantasy will not work for us. We would be very quickly burnt out. Conventional wisdom says that we should simply leave things as they are.
But that would mean having to hear often, "Honey, I am too tired.", and God knows how those dreaded words are like a punch in our gut. We feel like a deflated balloon, like chastened children, like our world has just disintegrated. It is the worst feeling. We say to ourselves, "Doesn't she know that I have needs? How can she be so insensitive?" And then we become sullen and silent, we sulk and brood, carrying that heavy feeling of resentment in our chests. And as we walk around looking like sorry pieces of you-know-what, they ask us, "Honey, is everything okay?" And we respond, lying through our teeth like dogs, "I'm fine. Why?" Freaking liars!
But we are so blinded by our needs that we forget that they too have needs. That they toil hard at work every day, only to leave the job to come home to do more work - taking care of the children, cooking, doing house-cleaning, doing laundry, paying bills, and God knows what else, while we sit on our sorry asses reading the newspapers, watching TV, playing video games, or other kinds of stupid sh#t (My keyboard is missing an i). On top of that they have to deal with bodily aches and pain (often not complaining about these), stomach cramps from having their menstrual cycles, aching feet, the discomfort of constipation, hormonal changes, and Heaven knows what else. Is it any wonder then that they would say, "Not tonight, honey, I am too tired"? So next time we hear those words, instead of turning our backs to them, let us hold them close in our arms, and let us say in response, "No worries, my love, I understand."
Now to my friends who are in same-sex relationships I guess that the above might not be a problem for you. I feel like you guys have it a lot better than we your straight friends. But then, what the hell do I know?!
[Photographic Art by Angela Pereira]