Sunday, March 1, 2015

"The Gunm[e]n"

The Arts: Film ---


She was supposed to be studying. All of a sudden I heard a scream - of delight. And I assure you I had nothing to do with the pleasure that was the source of that scream. I glanced quickly at the TV, and there was Sean Penn's face filling the screen. Oh no! Not again! The usual and overbearing and loathsome, "He's so hot!" followed. I dismissed the annoying distraction and went back to listening to my music. More screaming. Idris Elba's face flashes quickly across the screen. You've got to be kidding me! Not him again! I don't remember what she said to me next; I deliberately chose not to hear it. It was probably about how hot he was too. But wait! It's not over yet; it gets worse. Who else flashes up on the TV screen? Fricking Javier Bardem! At that point I simply wanted to hurl something at that TV screen. Now please do not get me wrong, I love the craft those men bring to their particular form of Art. They are terrific actors, but of course she and her kind don't see that. 

She started talking about how she couldn't wait to see the upcoming movie in which they are together appearing, "The Gunman" (and of course dragging me along), and about the cataclysm (did I spell it correctly, o-r-g-a-s-m?) that was going to occur in the theater. That's exactly what she said; I'm not lying. All I could do was shake my head and hate those three men for all appearing in the same movie at the same time, and for eliciting those multiple cataclysms (not sure I have the right spelling), and for my having to endure hearing how hot they were. Thank God Denzel Washington is not in starring in the film also. Then I figured out how this might work for me. My thinking went like this: If she is thinking of experiencing that cataclysmic event (Am I spelling it correctly, o-r-g-a-s-m-i-c?), then other women planning on seeing the movie might be thinking the same thing. If that is the case, then we men can get to experience a really good movie plus be treated to an unprecedented chorus of groanings and moanings coming from the other half of the audience. And by the way, what do those men have that I don't? Now watch it, you. Don't you dare say it!